Date # 2.5 and # 3: Shall we dance?

Date # 3 or was it 2.5?

The date that almost didn't happen, and the surprise "meet-cute" that happened out of no where.

One day in the cold of February a girl was deciding what to wear to her first salsa lesson- and date! She opted for black yoga/barre leggings (totally appropriate for a dance class n'est pas?) and bright turquoise Lulu tank top, and a flowy see-through black and grey t-shirt, which later gave her the tittle of 'flash dance' diva. Lol. 

The date was set so that she could do an intro class by herself from 6-7, break from 7-8, then do a beginner class at 8 pm with the foreign stranger she met online- or have the option to do a body isolations class at the same time in case she felt overwhelmed. 

Ok, this writing about myself in the third person is not cutting it for me- enough!  Lol

We started with the basics, and Brenda (the teacher) made me come to the front of the room because I foolishly admitted it was my first time.

I apologized to the girl behind me ahead of time in case I clumsily stepped on her later.  

We did some bachata, salsa, and mambo steps facing the mirror, the she said "partner up!" And I was like, fack- I wasn't expecting to dance with and have to touch someone in the intro class- but oh well. My sweaty palms were just a testament to my nerves and how hard I was working so as not to fall over in my heels. Luckily I wasn't the only one sweaty! The only throw off was that we led with our left foot when dancing solo and then I had to lead with my right foot in pairs. Then she told us to close our eyes, and I was like what the?? Ok watch out for your toes fellas!  Haha. I liked how she made us change partners every few minutes, as it gave me a good feel for what to expect from different styles of leadership. One guy and his wife were pretty good- well he was good, lol and he could feel my nervousness as he held my hands and then shook them gently and said breathe- relax, it supposed to be fun! Oh ya, did I mention the instructions were in French? And everyone there was a francophone. So I just busted out what I knew!  There were only 4 guys in class, and we were 4 girls too, so it worked out well. The married man was the best leader, then the Indian guy was a good frame to push/pull against too. The Peruvian guy danced like he was from Cuba with his arms making circles and I though to myself, 'how do I know where to go if you have crazy moving spaghetti arms?' But I soon found out they were not spaghetti, and he tossed his arms in a container circular motion to the direction he wanted me to go and had a stable yet motile core. The 4th guy was Arab looking and spoke very little English as he tried to tell me to hook my hands like Barbie so he'd have something to push/pull against. He had sweaty hands too and a weak frame, but he seemed confident and determined to lead me, so I followed as best I could.  By the time the class was over I was doing the cuddle, open step and block (with a flash dance arm-flip) in a more comfortable way, and I actually started to have fun with it :) 

I checked my phone again, and looked around the studio anxiously for a face that matched the profile pics I saw, but to no avail.  I didn't hear from my date, so I thought ok I'll go for a walk instead of staying to watch and come back at 8 as discussed. 

As I went down the stairs, the Peruvian man with the spaghetti arms asked me if I wanted a coffee. Politely said no thank you it's too late for that. He said 'tea'? And at first I was like, is he asking me out? Lol. There was a huge language barrier, and then he told me he was coming back at 8 for the Batchata intro class and I said me too, so maybe we should go kill some time together. He was elated when I said yes and then said MacDonald's had free coffee this week, which I knew, and so off he led me down the streets of Montreal, it was chilly, but we were soon inside the mall on Saint. Catherine Street. He led the way seamlessly weaving through crowds to the food court based MacDonald's, while we told each other who we worked for and what we did. He asked if we should take the stairs or escalator down, and I told him I choose the stairs- that's when I told him more about my job and that I tested fitness, and he seemed to understand better at that point. Later, as we sat, me enjoying my peppermint tea, him the small free coffee, I said I do rehab and exercise programs with people, he took my hands and said this is why they are so big! You must be good at your job! We laughed. Then he noticed my yoga bracelet and asked me about it. I was pleasantly surprised and excited to tell him how I got it. It was tied together with a note which I received at a fire ceremony at the start of my yoga teacher training. I kept it on as a reminder to read the course teachings until I was finished.  He said he is an artist and used to make stuff like that, and showed me a crystal necklace he was wearing which he made. Then he talked about all the stones he knew and their powers-at least I think that's what he was doing, (he was speaking French  and a bit of Spanish and English)- he was naming them and I recognized amethyst and said that was my birth stone.  He then told me about a club with free salsa lessons and wanted me to write down the address and his number so I could go dancing with him another time. I complied and he made sure I spelled it write by asking his friend (via text) what the name was. Lol - score!

I looked at my watch, checked my phone, and decided we should go back before we missed our next lesson.  He agreed and off we went.

It was close to 8 pm and the beginner Batchata class was filling up- I grabbed a ticket and talked to the wife I was in class with before,  about taking the body isolations class. She said it's only offered once a week and she wanted to try it so since I was a bit tired and wanted to relax more, I asked the receptionist if I could choose either by watching for a minute and she said yes. I checked my phone again to see if my date had spotted me or even made it to the studio but no messages. From the corner of my eye I spotted a guy on his phone look up around and make eye contact with me, but he was too ripped and sexy to be the guy from the photo. Haha. I felt my anxiety rise as I watched everyone in the Batchata class move perfectly to the moves being called out, so I decided to go to the body isolations class, which was late getting started. 

It was a slow and interesting class, with a funny and patient sexy male teacher. Made the hour seem faster. I checked  my phone when we were done and found a message from my date, saying he had slept in and was really sorry. He asked what I was doing after and I suggested grabbing a drink or appetizers because I was thirsty and hungry. He said 'great let's meet for a beer: I know a cheap place not too far.' What I soon found out is that it was not too far from his place- as opposed to the dance studio. Can you say lazy? This guy turned out to be a translator -he took French translation in school and works to translate Turkish to French possibly even English! He said he was going to school part time while doing freelance work on apps and gaming most of his time away and getting paid for it. Sounds pretty cool to me. Then he talked of how he was lonely in the city and lonely at New Year's and how all his friends are older and married and don't make time for him anymore. I suggested that I had felt the same and that maybe reaching out was all they needed to happen-but I think he's in a whole different world with friends back in Turkey and Istanbul so it's even harder to keep in touch.  It was sort of interesting to listen to as he told stories of his travels of his family. We talked of our parents, divorce, friends, love as a choice. I told him about my dad and his decision to love my mom every day. I told him about how I want to take care of my dad and my family because they've given me so much -he seemed touched. There came a point in the evening when we had to decide to have another drink or leave, and I tentatively agreed, as I was getting tired and cold sitting by the window. I did just sweat a lot in a dance class and then walked about 10 minutes to get to this place -in the cold! Did I mention I have my first cold in years and I still went out? Thank God for adrenaline and Advil cold and sinus! lol 

At one point before we ordered our second drink, I noticed he was on his phone a lot and I said "what's going on on, are you bored? Is someone dying? "He said no but he had a lot of messages to get back to because he just woke up. I said well "you don't see me on my phone". I smiled, leaned in and said, "I'm giving you my undivided attention and It would be nice if you did the same". So he laughed. Said "yes sorry, thank you"- then he put his phone away and became present with me- awkward silences and all. He was good at keeping the conversation rolling.  When I was done my drinks and asked if he was done cuz he only had a sip of his beer left and hadn't touched it in a while. He chugged it and said 'let's go'. I told him I was gonna cab home because it was too cold and I thought it was far, he said come walk with me a bit, it wasn't far to my place -but I later found that it was, and it would've taken me like 45 minutes to walk home. Realistically he only knew that I was near McGill so maybe he didn't know exactly how far it was. Then I realized why he wanted me to walk with him. We got to the corner and he said well this is where I live and he pointed to a room above one of the restaurants. Then he said the date doesn't have to end here you're welcome to come up if you'd like. I said no thank you I'm a little under the weather I don't usually sound like this because I was kind of nasally, and I told him that I had to work tomorrow and I want to be able to get up for it. Then for the second time in the last 24 hrs, he asked me if I wanted some 'private lessons'- ugh. No thank you. Cheesy AND sleezy! I did say I would likely go to another dance lesson as it was fun, leaving it open for him to reclaim himself, but I don't think that was the kind of lessons he wanted to take with me at all...

Still I gave him a hug saying ' I'm a hugger', he said his family does the double cheek kiss, so we sloppily did that and I hailed a cab and went home. 

Honestly I had more fun chatting with the Peruvian guy. Maybe I will give him a call. 

Date # 2 Valentines and goldilocks

Date # 2

His profile name had valentines in the title. It was quite appropriate that we agreed to meet at Tim Hortons for a coffee on Valentine's Day. After some innocent messages on POF, he hesitantly allowed me access to his picture- even though I told him I didn't care what he looked like. He said he appreciated honesty and kindness when I told him I am often blunt and don't spare people's feelings when the truth needs to come out. He seemed to get my humour and where I was coming from, so I was intrigued despite his lack of profile picture. His profile said Asian and nerdy, so I pictured Chinese or Korean of course- but it turns out he was from Malaysia- looked Indian to me. I asked him about his confidence in looks and to rate himself on a scale of 1-10 so I could see where he stood (and possibly why he didn't have a profile pic).  I actually grilled him pretty hard before getting to that point- then I decided to stop judging his choices and came up with that question instead. Online He joked, saying he was no Channing Tatum- I laughed. To my surprise, he was nicely taller than me and very handsome in person. Deep and intense brown eyes, a nervous quiver in his lip, with the typical head cocking that shows he's nervous but trying to be confident.  I walked into Tim's, looked around, smiled and went over to his table- a few minutes later than I wanted to as traffic was crappy and I decided to put some extra effort into my hair and makeup before leaving (which I wasn't originally going to do) I introduced myself, learned how to pronounce his name, and we shook hands. There was a surprising Goldilocks comfort to his handshake, soft yet firm, hands not too big, not to small. He had already gotten a coffee so I asked if he minded if I got one while he waited. I came back to sit down, asked him what his timeline looked like, as he had planned to go to Moncton with friends later that day, and we figured out he wasn't likely going because of the impending storm. That took the pressure off, but I was a tad antsy because some girl across from us looked like my friend's roomate and I didn't want to have that experience in front of her I guess, plus I didn't workout that morning.  It was a Saturday, and the local indoor market was close by, so I suggested that we check it out, under the false premise that I had only been there briefly once- which was a white lie. I toured it the week before and had breakfast with my bestie;)

So we up and went. It was cold! We saw one of his friends and I said hello from a distance and waved playfully. Our conversation was free and easy. We walked around without stopping much- except to buy me a candle to replace the one I used up from my morning yoga tradition. We walked back to the Tim's, found a new table to sit at, and chatted about what we enjoy, what we do for work, our friends and past drinking habits, owning a car vs public transportation- his experience failing his driving test, adorable vulnerability btw ;) and wanting to take a vacation in February yet being financially responsible! We talked about the expenses of international students' tuition and our school experience. 

  I made muffins the day before and brought one for each of us- he said no- slightly insulting, but I brushed it off and revelled in the thought of having another one for breakfast the next day ...besides he had already eaten. We talked for a good 2 hrs, then we both got a bit antsy and he politely said he (or was it we?) should likely get going, and I agreed! He was reading my body language I think! What a gift! 

Another goldilocks handshake, and off we went. He sent me a message shortly after saying he enjoyed meeting me- I said I enjoyed the ease of our conversation and he thought that was good enough to suggest getting together again.  I said sure if I had free time- which I sort of do today, as its a snow day- but nothing is open and the roads are shit so hopefully he won't feel dissed. 

Success at connecting I think! Yay!

Challenge accepted! Date 50 guys? Ok, no problem!

After being single for just over two years, I was finally ready to get back out there. With a little challenge from my life coach, who kindly pointed out that what I said I wanted (love and a happy relationship) did not line up with my actions (not meeting guys or dating at all), I decided to put myself out there! I recently took a job that allows me to travel across Canada, and while that's all well and fun, it has been getting pretty lonely. I really wanted to explore the places I visited and enjoy local treasures, but tripadvisor was only taking me so far. So I decided to combine my desire for exploring new places, with my new-found self awareness skills to see if I could just go out and be myself with strangers, and hopefully make some memories at the same time.  Let me tell you, I got way more than I bargained for! The simple version is this: I challenged myself to go on 50 dates, set up an online profile on Plenty of fish. I selected things like "not looking for anything serious", and casual dating/friendship, which I quickly learned was a good way to find all the creepy people and guys who just wanted to #¥!*. So I refined my match criteria a few times and wrote the following qualifiers in my profile: I travel for a living and am looking for a local guy who can show me around town. I move every 6 weeks, and would like to say that I've seen and done the must-haves in xxxxx (<-- insert whatever town I was in here).
Rules:
1) No phone numbers or emails will be exchanged
2) There will only be one date (so make it count!)
3) Message me with your suggested time, date, location and activity
Along with a quirky paragraph or two about myself and interests and hobbies, I attached simple head shots, some a tad flirty, some sporty and some basic.  I had to show my fun side! But soon realized  that any cleavage was a no-no. It attracts creepers. Lol.
I decided to document my dates as a means of self reflection and education. Plus I love journaling.
After sharing my stories with a few colleagues and friends, I decided to share it with the world! Hopefully some of you will get a good chuckle out of it, or maybe even be inspired to get out there yourself!
Here's how my first date went down:

Date #1
I went on a date! First one in over two years! We met online, he seemed nice, and he was. We went bowling, and I practiced my fake smile mixed in with some real ones. He talked about his friends and self a lot. And any time I tried to say something he interrupted me like he could just talk forever- almost like I was interrupting him! Haha

We bowled the first game normally, then I asked if he was up for some left handed bowling for a challenge - he was game, and turns out he's ambidextrous and writes with his left hand, but I digress... so for the last round I said it was his choice- and he picked alternating arms- which I laughed about and our elbows brushed as I leaned in to laugh at the serendipity of him choosing to do what I would have chosen to keep things even (from a physical training point of view). After bowling we drove to a nearby restaurant.  We had a beer, I listened to him talk about his house renovations and job in the military, and we both nibbled nervously on the popcorn on the table. Then it happened.  My verbal diarrhoea. The second there was a pause in his speech I said " I'm kinda bored".  To which he said with surprise  "you're bored?" I realized he may have been insulted so I tried to explain that sometimes when I sit too long I can't focus anymore and I get antsy so I need to move (Which is true!) My friends understand this to be a common thing with me, and they thankfully laugh it off, but sometimes I speak without thinking, or more accurately without considering how it will sound to someone else.  Some call it tone, my mother calls it a lack of tact, but I know differently. Often, all that is required is for me to slow down and think to manage this verbal diarrhoea. Unfortunately, this is almost impossible when I'm nervous! As much as I backtracked to try to say I was antsy- which was half true, cuz I was bored too- I realized this: either he wasn't paying attention to my body language or I was faking interest in him (to be polite?) too well! Must not fake interest anymore!

Lesson 1 learned! 

Stay tuned for my next entry:  Date #2: Valentine's Day with a stranger.....